By EARL MCRAE, OTTAWA SUN
Oh, the terror of it.
The Westin Hotel is a-swarming with uniformed cops and private security guards because a horde of scented potentates in lovely clothes called the Canadian Association of Broadcasters are petrified by a terrorist organization of actors, directors, and writers called ACTRA, well-known and feared for its history of brutal torture, kidnapping, and killing.
“Do you have a pass?” demands a security yob as I cross the lobby.
“No. I’m looking for a washroom.”
“Sorry, you can’t be here.”
Brilliant yob. I might be an ACTRA suicide bomber heading for a washroom to set my timer.
There are more cops and guards inside the hotel than outside where some 300 members of ACTRA — obviously concealing knives, grenades, and bombs under their clothes — are marching up and down the sidewalk, the CAB conventioneers shaking in fear over their vicious life-snuffing signs saying Support Canadian Programming On TV and their chants “More Canada On TV.”
No doubt the intelligence wing of the terrified, elitist CAB discovered that two of the smelly, protesting terrorists upset at the Canadian Association of Broadcasters selling out its soul to less-costly, canned, Yankee drama at the expense of true north strong and free drama are Julian and Ricky, the crude, rude, scary, get-outta-my-face stars of Trailer Park Boys, and, omigod, what if they kidnap, torture, and kill us? More »